PART TWO: DISCOVERY
I don’t feel lost anymore. I am done searching, looking for an answer that I don’t need. Well maybe the answer that I’ve got. It has been right in front of me for a very long time. Not that I wasn’t seeing it but because I had a lot of distractions. I have been trying to open doors that were leading me nowhere. Not anymore.
I am now very ready to do the best for myself that no one could ever do for me. Opening only one door that am completely sure is the right door and has all the answers or maybe will one day let me get the answers that I have been searching for. Sometimes we are lied to and fooled to trust in the wrong paths and trust me that never yields until you open your eyes and make a choice. When you are faced with problems, you try all available possible solutions to solve them. A mother will go miles to find a cure for their child.
It always feels great when you answer a question correctly. Just like in school, one gets really happy after passing their examinations. The joy that fills a student who is so poor at mathematics after solving a mathematics problem. I was always poor at mathematics so I know exactly what I am saying.
I finally feel great for I know at least I have taken a step towards my success. It takes courage for one to finally think through many options making different decisions and finally settling for one. In this world am sure that everyone has or at least will have to choose or make a decision from many options someday.
It is a hard thing to find what is good for you especially when you have tried almost everything and it has all been for nothing.
We don’t all face the same fears or worries. You might be worried of facing the disease you have, of not knowing the father of the child you are carrying, not being able to provide for your family or anything else as we know there is a lot of mountains and walls we have to face in life.
Christians live their lives to and for Christ. Whenever they face a crisis they look up to God and it is the faith that keeps them going. I am a Christian and I rely on God for everything but I never like the feeling of the unrequited love between us some times. Many times I keep asking why bad things happen to me at His watch.
But I finally discovered what the problem was all along. Why I wasn’t able to figure anything out before. I was too focused on looking for ways and relying on other people and trying out different opportunities all for me. I was doing all this for me, to be better, to survive, to thrive and to be successful. It was all for me.
Many times we abandon ourselves for ourselves. Believe it’s so hard to notice and you will never know how much are not paying attention to yourself until you have no choice but to look into yourself. You are doing everything you can to look better but you never take time to look at yourself. It is like buying the best make up yet you have never looked at your face to be sure it’s right type for you. How will you know what is good for you? Will you even look good with it?
I tried too much to find a solution for me yet it was always there, right there with me. Me.
It was me. It is me. I am the answer. The solution to all my questions. I just have to learn to accept it. To accept that I can be the rock, the firm ground and the hope I need to pull through from my suffering. How will I do that? What does it take to accept yourself as the solution to your problems yet you don’t feel strong enough. What is acceptance?