love

MY UNENDING LOVE RACE

MY UNENDING LOVE RACE

First, let me make this clear that this isn’t about any fine love story like they always are (which I don’t get because they are never fine really).

Anyway back to my love race, I have come to conclude that I am indeed a talented athlete, well not like the Usain Bolt style but the rate at which I run away from love is worth achieving a gold medal. For a long time (if not my whole life to date) I have been running as fast as I can from love.  Blame it on my upbringing maybe or maybe not. I grew up so scared to be with anyone cause I didn’t know what my parents would do to me if they found out that I was wasting time in ‘such nonsense’. But no, I can’t blame it on that because I am old now and I can make my own decisions..(haha)

So I shift the blame to my disbelief in the whole idea of love. I don’t believe in love that much like most people do. To me love is just a myth. You grow up seeing your parents together and they tell you they fell in love and later married and gave birth to you and you think it’s the way to go. So you choose to follow lead and grow up, meet someone, think its love, pass time..get married and have kids. The cycle continues. (It’s what I think and since am entitled to my opinion, well there it is…) Like someone once said, ’love is a mirage and once you choose not to see it, you actually realize that it was never there.” So maybe this is why I am always running away from love.

Some other times I think am just scared. Love is painted as this whole nice story and good things always come with challenges and that’s what am not ready for. Maybe I am scared that I will get hurt or I could hurt someone. Or maybe the consequences would leave me “heartless and ‘hurtless”. Considering the fact that I don’t really believe in love, if I attempted to give it a try and got hurt, I would never give it a chance and maybe I would lose a piece of me that I would never get back.

If love is really a nice thing, then why can’t I stop running from it and avoiding it all the time???  Why can’t I just embrace it and feel its goodness? I have met very nice people, so loving but their goodness has still failed to outweigh my ………

As a Christian, I know that God is love and I read the bible and love is a great thing but I find the love in the bible so different, so convincing that I can’t compare it to the love in my daily life…. Everyone says they are in love but it all looks like a game to me. And yes I know am not everyone but I take in interest in learning from my surroundings. The more I read about it is the more it becomes clear to me that that kind of love is nowhere in this life time making me run the more… Am not so bothered but that bothers because I think I should be bothered but I’ll try and find the end point to this unending race before I get lost in it.

Am looking forward to when this race will end if it ever will.

JUST_PAJEHpage2

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