life tales

MY UGANDA TALES: SUICIDE MYSTERY???

MY UGANDA TALES: SUICIDE MYSTERY???

So I was in my bed not sleeping but just thinking and the recent suicide jumpers somehow floated on top of my thinking basin. By the recent suicide jumpers I mean the ones that have been happening in Kampala city-Uganda the past month (September). Three suicide jumpers in one month! Doesn’t sound right at all.

I’ve never witnessed any (just seen videos) but I tried imagining myself at the scene the exact moment someone crushes to the ground. What would be my reaction? Would I take a picture like everyone does these days? Would I turn my face the other way and pretend I never saw anything? Would I take off to look for a certain herb to rub off the curse as my ancestors would advise? I think I would just take off…I wouldn’t want to be so close to death.

I decided to fix myself in the jumper’s shoes (even though in my thoughts I was struggling not to be in those shoes but you know am trying to figure something out so…) to understand the whole suicide mystery thing. What goes on in their minds before the act (before committing suicide – while they are still on the roof top? Do they walk around talking to themselves? Do they just get a spot, sit and think and then jump? Do they not think at all? Do they count 1…2…3 with eyes closed and then… (You know what follows)? What triggers them to commit suicide? Why do they give in to death so easily?

So I’m like, so far the survivors have given their reasons for attempting to commit suicide as what I summarized in one word as ‘hardships’. They blame it on ‘depression’ due to having overwhelming problems. As I have always thought, people commit suicide due to having problems no matter the kind. But then, ‘’don’t we all have problems?’’ I have had moments when I’ve felt like the world was so against me and am sure many people have felt the same way or even worse some times.

I used to think anyone who commits or attempts to commit suicide is a coward until I had to face what I have faced so far in this world. Now I know they are not cowards but just hopeless. Someone gets a problem and they think it is the end of them, they lose all hope in God, in themselves and they think they have actually lost everything. They see no more reason to live. So I think before the act, that person sees this whole big world and they see nothing but their miserable life. They see all their problems staring back at them. They hear all their problems screaming so loud in their ears. They feel the pain that is actually not there so hard that they prefer death over it.

After figuring this out, I asked myself, ‘’what would I do at that moment?’’ or what should a person do during such a time? You are standing on a certain roof top with all these problems flashing at your face, would you opt for the quick way out? Would you just take the poison to end your worries?

As a Christian, I know that I don’t have the power to take my own life. The life that God gave me. I also know that I serve a God so great, greater that all that is in this world. And that He is always waiting upon me with open arms to listen to my cries and dry all my tears. So during such a terrifying moment, I would call upon him and instead of taking the life that He gave me, I would ask him to control it and make it better. I would put all my hope in Him because He says He will never let me down. God created you, gave you life and made you His own. No matter how sinful and troubled you are, He cannot let you down when you need Him the most.

But then what if this person is not a believer and God doesn’t cross his mind at all. What would that person do? What if I’ve lost hope in God already, what would I do?

I am someone who believes in myself (after God) way too much to the extent that I believe that I can punch a concrete wall and crack it…haha (didn’t say I’ve done it) I know that I am the only person who can never abandon me even when I don’t need me. I count on myself and I know I can never let me down. I cannot let myself down by losing hope in myself. So if I was ever in a tough situation and had lost hope, looked around and the rest of the world was in black and white and I was in a screaming color, where all I could smell was the stench of suffering, instead of jumping from a tall building or taking poison, I would remind myself that I still have the one person who will never abandon me. ME.

Instead of choosing to die, look at yourself not as a sole sufferer but a sole survivor and know that you still have yourself to fight. To fight and win, to fight and be better and to fight and prove to yourself that you are stronger than any challenging situations you will ever face.

Well then, I solved the before the act.

During the act: At this stage you have already taken the poison or you have already jumped. I think this is when you say someone is facing death in 5D. I know death to be so terrifying, scary and painful so I am sure at this point, the person isn’t feeling any form of relief. This is where they get to actually regret and wish for a miracle to happen and somehow they wish to actually survive. If it were me, I would actually start wishing I was superman at that point, or maybe I could grow wings (for jumpers). Regret is one thing I hate, and one of the many things that will never earn you a bit of success so why even bother to give it a chance? Why not avoid it from the start? Why not just face life for what it is and later be glad you survived the hardships instead of regretting while staring right in death’s eyes? Think about it…

After the act: some have been lucky and survived the fall, cheated the poison or whatever means and they are the ones who am talking about in the ’after the act’. I call it luck because cheating death is nothing but God’s grace or luck. But it also comes with its consequences for example in Uganda, you could be sent to prison since taking one’s life is a crime. Then you also have to live with the shame. I doubt you even remain with the respect you had earned before. I believe there can also be cases of psychological torture because you don’t come face to face with death and remain the same. You children will look at you differently, may be they might even love you less. You might actually lose your friends. It will be so hard for you to get a job. Who wants to hire someone who will run when they are faced with a problem? And if you are not yet married, you might actually die alone. Because no one will trust someone who doesn’t trust themselves at all.

All of these consequences can be avoided. We just have to trust God and let Him do His will. Just believe in yourself and remind yourself each day that you have a life to live and nothing can take that from you. Look around and see all the smiles you receive from people and you will be able to tell how happiness is louder than sorrow. Keep those who love you close, share with them and let them carry some of your burden – it’s what will remind you every day that you are not alone.

“You have a life, love it. And when the hardships come your way, remember that your life is worth living.”

JUST_PAJEH

 

 

 

 

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